Episode 1: with EpoGlucK from Peachy'Melocotons
On a day when the heat haze grew in such volumes it was like smoke, I stopped my bike next to a group of trees, and curiosity getting the better of me, decided to test whether you could cook eggs on the road. Unfortunately the road had turned into a semi-liquid, which meant instead of cooking the eggs, the eggs fused with the road; and unsure whether I'd be fined the cost of a new road, I decided to leg-foot it. In what I now assume must have been a delirious state, I found myself sitting in a chair of a TV studio as if I was David Letterman, Graham Norton, or Piers Morgan, with some woman saying "Peachy Melocotons" at me.
"What?" I asked, "Is that like that French biscuit, with peaches added," to which the woman, who was no doubt the producer, rolled her eyes at me as some guy started counting down "Five, four, three...."
"Our first guest," the woman who was clearly not impressed with me started saying after the guy finished his countdown, "Manages the leading Portuguese team in CFF, currently sitting third in division one, so put your hands together of the manager of 'Peachy'Melocotons, EpoGlucK." As the applause died down, I realised I had to ask questions.
Q: “You operate a Portuguese team, but I understand that you’re not Portuguese.”
A: “
No. I was born in Cantabria (Spain), raised in Mallorca, but I´ve lived in Sweden, UK, Finland, France, Mexico and finally back to Mallorca where I live now.”Q: “How long ago did you start participating in CFF?”
A:
“I´m not sure, but I guess it was around 12 years ago.”Q: “What type of team were you intending to have when you started CFF3?”
A:
“I started with the idea of hills team as I wanted to compete in the Ardenas and the World Championship. And then buy other specialities. I had the goal of never training climbing, but to buy a team able to compete in every race.”Q: “You've been near the top of CFF rankings since the start of CFF3. Do you see your team constantly replacing cyclists to stay there permanently, or keeping a core group of cyclists until they get old, and then going for a team renewal with young cyclists?”
A:
“My favourite part of the game is to see how the riders grow up and also to sign riders who I can adapt to their training. After this generation, replacing, or new generation, or a break in the game, I am not sure.”“It appears we'll have to wait and see.”
Q: “You were manager of the Portuguese NT team in season 2, where they achieved a credible 4th in the standings. Since then, the Portuguese NT squad have been near last despite great potential, with two managers routinely missing races, one of which being replaced halfway through the season. Have you considered reapplying for the NT position? And is there anything you'd recommend for potential NT managers to consider for the Portuguese NT squad to return to near the top five?”
A:
“It is hard to be a competent NT Coach, that´s why I did not apply for it. By the way, I don´t blame the NT who tries, we even get some victories with Kalarratas, I just blame the ones who get the position as coach and then do not sign or put tactics for the stages”“Now it’s time for... Until the producer says ‘STOP’. In this segment, we ask normal to weird questions, until our producer says the magic word ‘STOP”. You ready? First question.”
Q: “If you could be any type of cyclist in CFF3, what type of cyclist would you choose, and why?”
A:
“Maybe a hiller who could also compete in cobble-hill races. I was a fan of Rony Onken, who won stages in Ardenas and cobble classics in the same season many years ago.”Q: “Do you watch real life cycling? If so, do you have any favourite teams/cyclists? Or any you don't like?”
A:
“I do! I don’t have a favourite team, but I like Astana and Education first. My favourite cyclist was Cancellara, nowadays it’s Sagan, Van der Poel and Roglic.”Q: “Do you believe cycling should have a salary cap for teams?”
A:
“For sure. The "tyranny" of some teams make the sport boring, Carapaz in Ineos makes me quite annoyed. Good for Carapaz, but sad for TV spectators.”Q: “So tell us about any sports or exercise you do?”
A:
“I do mostly climbing, a bit of cycling and basketball. It is not federated or so, just with friends.”Q: “Tell me one thing about your home country that most people outside it probably don't know?”
A:
“The Spanish average time working is generally longer than the average time in centre/north Europe for what I´ve seen.”Q: “How do you believe our current civilisation's existence will end?”
A:
“A pandemic of some kind.”Q: “Would you rather be a vampire or vampire hunter? And why?”
A:
“A Higher Vampire, Genuine higher vampires are a separate, extremely powerful breed, commanding great powers are sometimes unique to particular specimens. They are masters of the art of camouflage and in most cases appear nearly identical to humans. Only their teeth, and the fact that they cast no shadows and have no reflections in mirrors, can reveal their true nature. Besides being supernaturally fast and agile, higher vampires can also assume the form of a giant bat, become invisible, and use their gaze to mesmerize their victims or put them to sleep. They are invulnerable to sunlight, fire, and silver, and have unbelievable regenerative powers which allow them to return to life even after beheading, dismemberment, or incineration- though in such cases the process may take many decades.”“How about incineration, and then separate bags of ash on different rockets into orbit in different directions? Ok, next question.”
Q: “What magical ability would you most like to have & why?”
A:
“Time travel, it gives you a lot of tries in CFF, I guess Flyvende_hjul has this ability,”“Stop.”
“Right, I see our producer has a tiny blue police box and a broken watch, which means we’ve broken time with a temporal paradox, and the BBC is protesting about their patents. Everybody put your hands together for EpoGlucK from Peachy'Melocotons.”
Maybe the interview happened, maybe the smoke haze in 43c temperatures aided my brain, but regardless, stay tuned for next time.
Viewer Question: Would you rather be a vampire or vampire hunter? And why?Vampire:
EpoGlucK, horace_vr, SjizVampire Hunter:
Aurora Australis, Deceased Vampire Victims:
Combuijs, Vos
