Author Topic: The Combuijs Capers  (Read 2462 times)

Combuijs

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The Combuijs Capers
« on: March 17, 2019, 11:08:49 PM »
The Combuijs Capers

In this topic I will keep you updated on the Capers of the Combuijs Cycling Team on a not-too-daily basis. Feel free to react to posts!

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2019, 11:20:16 PM »
First press conference

Welcome all to the first press conference of the Combuijs Cycling Team. First of all we would like to thank our sponsor Combuijs Honey Ales for their financial support which enabled us to be here in Australia. Yesterday we have tasted the local Foster beer and we have immediately doubled the export capacity of our ale as we see brilliant opportunities in this desert-ridden country.



Of course we are very happy to be in Tanunda this week for our preparations for the season. And we are happy we brought our own beer because, believe it or not, there is only wine here in this water hole...



So remember: Combuijs Honey Ale, the beer with the sting, Combuijs Cycling Team, the team with the sting!



Mitte

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2019, 07:07:43 AM »
Everything tastes better than Dutch beer!!!!

Aurora Australis

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2019, 11:05:42 AM »
Just to let you know, Aussies don't drink Fosters.  And in the Barossa Valley, you're not going to want beer anyway.

Btw: Coopers is the beer you'd want in South Australia.  And welcome to Aust.

WinterIsComing

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2019, 07:42:53 PM »
Nice read, Combuijs!

Let's have some fun together with AA, plopsala and others in 3g this season, the division for the Original G's.  8)

Angovis

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2019, 08:45:58 PM »
It's always sunny in Combuistralia!

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2019, 12:33:11 PM »
The riders

We will compete this season on the Continental Tour level and if you are a very talented cyclist or if you know how to spell the word "bike" we might be interested to take you on. In the Tour Down Under we will start with (definite jersey numbers yet unknown):

1 Carlo Bemelmans
2 Julius Maalderink
3 Eduard Brouwers
4 Harrie van der Haar
5 Julius van Zandbeek

We really don't know what to expect as we haven't scouted the opponent teams yet. It is however worrying to be in the same group as experienced teams like WinterIsComing, Plopsala, Aurora Australis and Real Betis BalompiƩ. On the bright side, we are reunited with Kalarratas, a team we have encountered on a still lower level in a previous life.

There have been complaints about the Dutch beer, which are fully unjustified, although they have a point about the Dutch pilsener which tastes like ... eh ... Fosters. Admittedly the current Dutch beer revival has been largely inspired by our Belgian neighbours, but there are some really nice beers now in the Netherlands. If you don't want to drink Combuijs Honey Ale for whatever reason, can I recommend "Van Moll Ons Blackie", a very good stout?
« Last Edit: March 19, 2019, 02:01:49 PM by Combuijs »

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2019, 05:33:58 PM »
The Mechanic

As a new team we have been looking hard to get personnel, but it is of course very difficult these days. There are a lot of jobs to fill and not many to fill them.

But we proudly present our 47 year old mechanic to you, our Russian expert Tigran Filin.

We are very glad with his invention of the anti-kangaroo bike, this should give us a serious advantage in the first tour.



We have our doubts about his choice of material though. We don't hope that "Cube" represents the shape of our wheels...
« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 02:48:41 PM by Combuijs »

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2019, 08:19:58 PM »
The team director

For a team director we have been able to secure the immense experience of Spanish Roque Moron. If this 52 year old can't find some genius tactics, who can?

Of course we will need him in the Vuelta, to cut off some nasty parts of the stages, but he will be very useful in Catalonia and the Basque County as well.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 02:48:54 PM by Combuijs »

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2019, 02:52:12 PM »
The Doctor

Before the start of the season we did not have a doctor in our team, but we have managed to pick up one in Australia: Virgil Warrenburg. With that name we suspect there is some Dutch ancestry involved, but more important for now is his nice collection of pots and pills to keep our riders top notch...

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2019, 04:17:02 PM »
The Masseur

In a new youthful team you need some tight discipline and we have found it in our masseur Herr Doctor Kreuzer. Don't call him Eugen however, you won't race for a while after that. Oh, and don't tell him he is getting less money than doctor Warrenburg otherwise the team manager might be in for an uppercut...

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2019, 05:01:14 PM »
The Marketing Manager

With such lovely ales to work with who needs a marketing manager? Well, here in Tanunda we have noticed that there are some strange people who don't like beer at all, so that's why we have appointed a marketing manager called Gerard Brown. The problem is of course that being an Englishman he is already addicted to the Combuijs Honey Ale, so whether we will gain anything by hiring him is the question. We might be in for a miniature "no deal" Brexit in a short time.

Tomorrow we leave lovely Tanunda and we will going via Campbelltown and Gawler to Hahndorf in our first races. We wish everyone a lot of fun, good luck and slightly less points than our team!

Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2019, 04:11:10 PM »
We would like to welcome all press here at the press conference of the Combuijs Cycling team in Gawler. We immediately knew we were in the right place when we arrived here:



Sadly no Combuijs Honey Ale to be seen, but this will change quite soon as the first Combuijs shirts have been sold in our webshop!

First of course we like to thank our Moron, who devised a really genius tactics for the first stage. The attack in the fourth section brought 4 riders of us in the leader group of 19. No silverware yet, but we have all confidence in his qualities:

With 88 starting riders we were:

5. Julius Maalderink
7. Julius van Zandbeek
9. Eduard Brouwers
18. Carlo Bemelmans
27. Harrie van der Haar

This results means that we will start to scout for more riders named Julius and that Carlo Bemelmans will be our leader in the next three stages.

Of course this fantastic result has attracted some eager sponsors and our marketing manager Gordon Brown, eh... pardon ... Gerard Brown has signed a contract with Ford, famous for their ... eh ... four wheel bikes. We have promised to finish 10th in the Vuelta and having a Spanish director should secure this spot without any problems. Having said that our Moron has declared that Argamasilla de Alba is still far away...



This result also means we are top in our division ranking with 253 points and this has caused some very knowledgeable boards to award us some prices for being in the top 5 and top 10 of the national ranking.
Some more knowledgeable people would even have noticed that we are simply 2nd behind a Red Rag. And people who know best know that a Red Rag should trail the peleton, not lead...



Combuijs

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2019, 08:27:47 PM »
And good news in Hahndorf as we managed to secure some honourable places again:

4. Julius Maalderink
5. Carlo Bemelmans
8. Julius van Zandbeek
21. Eduard Brouwers

There are four leaders now in the same time after this race, three of them Dutch:

Pieter Vermeltfoort (WinterIsComing)
Julius Maalderink
Amadeo Reig (Cojonudos)
Carlo Bemelmans

However we stay calm and cool in Hahndorf, helped by the local shop:



Gerard Brown is really well placed in England, he managed to secure a sponsor deal for the first stage of the Tirreno Adriatico. If we reach 4th place then Blanch House Hotel will entertain the whole team for a weekend. If only there were races in Britain...



Tomorrow we ride from Stirling to Paracombe and the local Courier tips Carlo Bemelmans as the man to watch. We will certainly do that!


WinterIsComing

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Re: The Combuijs Capers
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2019, 08:04:54 AM »
You are enjoying a great start of the season Down Under, Sir Combuijs. Well done.  :)